its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
