I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So. Much. Porn.
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