I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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