Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
