Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
