you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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