also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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