Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
