Say something about gay babies.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
