She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
