and i looked up. we had an audience...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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