I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
