I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
