I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
