dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
