its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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