i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
