Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
