Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
