I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
