This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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