Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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