So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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