If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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