Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
