I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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