Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
