need another drink. this is the easiest way
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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