Whod you bang
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
