I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
