The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
