so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
