I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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