Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
