Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
