had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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