just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
