alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
