Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
