His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
