Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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