i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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