The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
