I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
