When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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