You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
