I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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