You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
