2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
