Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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