I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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