I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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