you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You left your phone here
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