Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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