how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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