i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
